Swearing isn’t effective anymore so stop it

by Jack.

Seriously, shut up. Whenever people talk nowadays, you know you’re bound to hear “fuck” or “shit” irrelevantly squashed in there. It’s so fucking annoying. It doesn’t add anything to conversation. It doesn’t intimidate the person you’re talking to. Why? Because you assholes use it too much.

If you’re one of these annoying people that swears, like, every 2 seconds, then shut your 2nd ass up! The more you swear, the less people take you seriously and get annoyed at your arrogance. Hell, even Family Guy think it’s so witty and funny to swear in every episode. I know you’re going to say “But, anonymous internet user, they censor it. Stop moaning”. No. That’s not the fucking point. If you were a Celtic fan, and the sports commentators keep praising Rangers, you’d be pretty annoyed. If they started censoring the word “Rangers” though, you’d still get annoyed cause you know what bloody team they’re talking about.

So grow some god-damned balls and stop pretending that you’re “a man” by cussing every second fucking word.

There is nothing wrong with Digg v4. assholes

by Jack.

People will complain about anything.

The fourth installment of a a user oriented fuckin’ webpage is testament to that. For those people who don’t know what Digg is (but strangely found their way onto here), it’ s a website which uses links to other websites to make money. Ingenious.  What could idiots possibly have to complain about? A bloody lot. Courtesy of the (now ex) fanbase of Digg are a pretentious lot that got raging hard boners at InfoGraphs and top 10 lists.

Recently, the site was redesigned. All the little assholes, who bear an uncanny resemblance to that one prick in your primary school class that had ADHD but you never heard from again after school, that fill in the whiny words of the comments section hated it. And when I mean hated it, they set out a fucking Jihad.

This has nothing to do with anything but will catch your attention.

What did they do? The only thing dumb morons can do to successfully annoy people – spam the thing they don’t like. That doesn’t sound too juvenile and retarded until you think of the real life equivalent of spamming to annoy someone – which is poking them constantly.  Most people wouldn’t do that now because they’re not 8 years old.

The worst of it is, the site has hardly changed that much. One ‘bury’ button goes missing and you fuckers start crying. Someone was even as sad as to create this. I mean, creating that is pretty sad – but posting “Bet you guys miss me” on TechCrunch is asbergers syndrome kind of pathetic.

And if the site’s so bad, why do people insist on constantly posting “Digg 4 sucks!!!”?

End of the rant tip: Don’t create a website that lets its users rule the roost. Especially social media. Digg.com has finally shaken off it’s non stop wingding base. Communism doesn’t really work either though. Talking of that, has anyone seen the size of King John ill the XIV of North Korea? I guess we know who’s been hiding the weapons of mass destruction now.

Most people have no manners anymore

By Max

Most of the older generation, with the exception of some enlightened Old folks (who haven’t forgotten what it’s like to be young), assume that the youth of today is impolite, rude and a general nuisance. So why is it, that when a young person holds a door for someone older, the old person rarely says “Thank you”.

These same old people then complain when something like a skatepark is suggested, on the grounds that it will attract noisy youths who will cause mayhem on our streets. This seems somewhat illogical when you consider the fact that it will give said young people something to do other than hang about on street corners.

If anything it is the majority of old people who are being anti-social, and it’s not just me. I have heard various stories from friends of mine about times when the older generation have viciously harrassed the young, and frankly, it’s quite mean.

Editor’s note: Yes I know this is a short post with very little point to it, but I had to put up something because our traffic is very low at the moment.

Big Brother is THE most Ungodly show on the planet

By Max

I hate Big Brother.

Now, I’m not one to make irrational, opinionated statements, but this has to be said. Mostly because it’s not irrational, it’s common sense. Big Brother is a waste of airtime.  I would rather gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon than watch Big Brother.

For starters, what is the point of the show? A bunch of unknown people, who don’t have 4 brain cells between them, doing stupid things in a house, on camera. The show would be more interesting if it was a bunch of monkeys were put in the house. The conversation would be more intelligent for starters. They might make some serious progress with the typing of the entire works of Shakespeare, like they’re meant to (in theory). If intelligent people were put into the house, it might be alright, but the thing is, the people selected are complete fools.  The idea of a sealed community is that chaos ensues and the society in question evolves more or less from the start, the way humans have done. The problem is that the competitors on the show are to thick to even achieve this. Hence why the show fails.

Secondly, the Big Brother “house” isn’t even a real house, it’s a set consisting of multiple Portakabins welded together. What’s the deal with that?

As Andy Warhol said, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” Big Brother is a perfect example of this. Let’s take a look at some of the people who have been on Big Brother:

Jade Goody

Nikki Grahame

Shilpa Shetty

Craig Phillips

Brian Dowling

How many of these “people” can anybody really remember.  Take Jade Goody: she sold her own death to the media! These people are famous for the sake of being famous. At least Rockstars, writers, actors, politicians and the like are famous for doing something.  Nikki Grahame, of Big Brother fame, is an escort: is she the sort of person we want as a role model for our kids?  But back to the original point, how many of these people survived the test of time? The answer is none. Unlike, Mandela, Gandhi, Obama and Martin Luther King, among many others, they have done nothing that benefits the world in any way whatsoever.

I don’t need to say anymore, I’ve proved once and for all that Big Brother is completely rubbish, and that I have more sense than the whole of Channel 4′s board of Directors.

More political rantings from Maximilian

More Political Ranting from Max

One thing that’s grinding my gears is people telling me that the Tories are evil, based on a previous leader who was around long before the person I’m arguing with was even born. There’s a lot of anti-Conservative feeling in Scotland which is completely irrational and is frankly unjustified. The current coalition proves that the Tories are not what most Scots paint them to be.

Let’s have a look at the score:

1. Which government abolished the 10p tax rate (thereby causing poor families to suffer)?

Answer: The last Labour government

2. Which government did nothing to stop the banks lining their own pockets and actually do their job?

Answer: The last Labour government

3. Which party has agreed to have a £10000 tax threshold, which will benefit both the Poor and the Rich equally?

Answer: The current Tory government

4. Under which government did the last recession occur?

Answer: The last Labour government

5. Which government brought in new legislation that allows suspected terrorists to be detained without questioning for a silly length of time, thus making a mockery of their civil rights?

Answer: The last Labour government

6. Which Party Leader sought to distance themselves from George Bush’s neo-fascist Conservative regime?

Answer: David Cameron(Conservative)

7. Which Prime Minister started an illegal war with Iraq?

Answer: Tony B liar, (labour)

8. Which chancellor come PM failed to increase funding for the armed forces in real terms since 1997, despite them fighting an illegal war on the government’s behalf.

Answer: Gordon Brown (Labour)

9. Which party will NOT raise the National Insurance rate, which will benefit those on low incomes particularly?

Answer: the Current Lib-Con government.

10. Which party was living in Loony Land when they refused to make much needed cuts and just threw money at any problems?

Answer: The last Labour government

Now, to me it looks like the Labour party are not really looking out for the poor are they? There is in fact, very little difference between the two three main parties.

Another toss up please . . .

Which major politicians went to Posh Private Schools?

Tony B liar
Gordon Brown
David Cameron
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (Beano Boris to his HIGNFY pals)
Ian Hyslop (Is this right? Ed.)

Even Nick Clegg went to a private school.

All this shows is that whilst the Labour party claim to be looking out to for the poor people that the Tories supposedly ignore, they are just as bad, if not worse than their Conservative counterparts. The Conservatives are openly posh, whilst the Labour party pretend to be the good guys, but do even less to help than the Tories.

People need to get their facts straight before getting all moralistic with the Tory supporter.

If you still think that Labour are the good guys after reading this, then you are probably Scottish. I don’t care whether you agree or not, but I think that some balance is needed in this argument.

ELECTION MANIA!!!!!!!!!!!

by Maximilian
The Labour leadership contest is the biggest thing in politics since the new government was formed. Britain is currently choosing not to conform to what most political commentators, Modern Studies (A subject only taught in Scotland where you argue about politics) teachers and everyone else in the media expect to happen. Here are the facts.
No-one won an outright majority, either in terms of seats, or votes. The people of Britain sent a clear message to the politicians, saying, absolutely nothing. We have a coalition, which hasn’t happened since the 70s.
We also have no real opposition at the moment, as Labour are currently running around in circles like a headless chicken due to the current lack of leadership. Harriet Harman is the interim leader of the Labour party, but there are four or five candidates battling it out.
New Labour is dead and buried. What’s next? New New Labour? Back to Basics Labour? Utterly New Labour? I Can’t Believe it’s Not New Labour? Labour Value?
No, all this change is a good thing. Things needed to be shaken up. Before the general election, we had a two-party system, and a failing government that was on it’s last legs. Now we have these two clowns in charge:

Wait a minute. wrong file:

It’s these two guys who have the very difficult job of fixing the mess that Labour have left behind.

Totally not demographic aimed propaganda...

Surely Nick and Dave (the Ant and Dec of politics) can’t do a worse job than the last bunch.
My view is that all politicians are liars (If you don’t believe me, cast your mind back to the expenses scandal) and there’s only a slight difference between them. That said, we should take a leaf out of Kerala’s book. Kerala is a state in India that has changed it’s government at every election. Change is the one thing that can keep these fiends on their toes. 13 years is simply too long to keep the same government.
Alternatively, we could form a coalition of the finest comedians and satirists in the country. They would not be able to start wars and do other stupid stuff like that, as their senses of humour would not allow it.

I hope this doesn’t damage [extremist] Islamic culture…

…actually I don’t care. Here’s my drawing of my favourite revelatory prophet.

There are 3 reasons I will not have retarded Muslims at my front door screaming and trying to burn me:
1) I have not said that this is Muhammad, the sacred prophet of whatever.
2) Even if it was, he’s quite clearly taken that picture himself in a smudgy mirror for his Bebo picture.
3) There is soap there to clense him of his sin of depicting himself. It should satisfy there happy chappies below:

I wonder why nobody likes extremists.

Article by Jack

Public Relation spokespeople should bugger off

What is the point in these people anyway? Since when do highly paid executives need to pay someone to write down statements in a pseudo-English manner? Why the fuck can they not just come out and say it themselves? Actually, if you listen to them, I think you’ll know why

Take Yahoo CEO, Carol Bartz, for instance. She’s an idiot. Every time she gets asked by a technology journalist, “What is Yahoo?”, she comes out with a different answer. Always along the lines of “Yahoo is a diverse social experience that combines modules with diverse branding that reflects the user with ‘It’s Y!ou’ and it’s diverse”. Why not just say it’s a fucking portal? Yahoo let’s you access Facebook, news, sports and all that crap from one page. It lets you check mail. Why the bloody hell can she not just say that?

It’s probably because the word “portal” symbolizes transparency, something that companies hate. BP would rather go out of business than let the media see what’s going on in the area. And what is with it with companies angry about information getting leaked a couple of days before it’s meant to be said in an official statement.

What’s the fucking difference? Does it damage your “image” to let the public who buy your products know what’s going on? Have the stockholders got some serious ass scratching and finger sniffing to do before anyone finds out?

fuck it.

I Don’t Care If You’re An Idiot…

No, really. The word “idiot” gets thrown around too much these days. In fact, even in the old days I’m sure it did too. Every time someone makes a mistake, you know you’re bound to here the easily-impressionable teenager who takes the internet too seriously shout “fail!” or “idiot!” from their dark corner (because that makes them deep and mysterious). Lets actually look at the definition of the word ‘idiot’.

a person of subnormal intelligence

That box doesn’t fucking say “someone that makes one mistake and should be judged for it”. People also call people who are academically inferior to them, idiots. They are retards for coming to such conclusions because intelligence doesn’t equal academic intelligence, no matter how hard your parents pushed you as a kid to think it does.

I’ve invented a phrase that called ‘Empty Talk’ which is what someone is speaking if they talk and/or has views about something they know nothing about – like calling someone who failed an exam, an “idiot”. A prime example would be the president setting up a whole speech around calling technology a “distraction” then admitting he has no idea how to use it.

Another example of an empty talker would also be sending me an email complaining about this post when you’ve only skimmed through it. Don’t fucking bother. I’m out.

Just remember, the real idiots are the ones who think they’re really smart. Also, why do people get offended at the term “retard”? When it was first invented, it meant the same thing as “dumb”.

Things you should know about Election 2010

1. No-one cares

Politicians blame laziness for lack of voter turnout. I blame the politicians. Even if we all did turn up to the voting station to “spoil” our vote, no-one would give a shit and the assholes in Westminster will still see what they want to – people not bothering to vote rather than having no-one good to vote for. Don’t bother voting and let the old men and women feel like they have power.

2. No-One cares

Almost everyone I’ve spoken to that is excited about the election or has a definite vote are still 17 years old. That makes the only people that passionately care about it too young to vote. As they grow older, maybe they’ll stop falling for the hype and excitement that follows a red team, blue team and yellow team complaining about an island.

3. No-One Cares

The most observant assholes in the last couple of weeks leading up to the BNP crying out for a recount are the “comedians”. They, as usual, in their cutting edge, hip and diverse means have made fun of all 3 running prime ministerial candidates. This wouldn’t be so bad if someone, other than the BBC, was taking the election seriously – and that’s only because the BBC have to. This leads to no-one seriously caring, but instead watching it and making jokes about Tony Blair lying which essentially has killed over 100 people by now – absolutely hilarious, guys.

That is all.